Working on Relationship Issues
As outer experience is a manifestation of our core beliefs, so our conflicts and issues in relationship show us our inner conflicts and the false premises in our thinking. Therefore relationships that engage our innermost self, are opportunities to work on that self -- both in resolving negative elements and in becoming who we really are (as a soul). Individuals who are drawn to each other invariably share common issues that can be brought to awareness. In fact, the attraction might be looked at as the force of the soul seeking to manifest and realize itself. In the process it will bring up to the surface whatever either blocks or is invested with its energy.
A healthy relationship requires that you know yourself, know what you want and what is right for you. You'll need to articulate yourself and also communicate when something is happening that is not right for you. It sometimes takes time and painful experience to develop this self-knowledge. By letting the other person know who you are, what you expect and want, think and feel, you may will find out early that you aren't compatible with the other person or want different things from the relationship, but you will be saved a lot of time and trouble. Negative experiences need not continue but are meant to cause us to learn and change. By releasing dysfunctional beliefs and patterns and by learning to trust our inner sense of what is right for us we can create positive and fulfilling relationships.
1. What are some of the problems, pain, frustrations or conflicts that you have experienced in relationships, particularly as a repeated pattern?
2. Which wounds regularly get opened or which "buttons" pushed?
3. What kind of people with what kind of issues do you attract?
4. What felt needs are not being met in your relationship(s)?
5. If you were not treated well, what rights or feelings were disrespected?
6. What shortcomings of yours have come out in relationship?
7. What mistakes have you made in relationship?
8. What have you learned?
9. What is your biggest shame, fault or weakness that you hide in relationship?
10. What role or responsibility do you feel you have for your relationship problems or conflicts?
11. Reflecting on your relationship frustrations, unfulfillment, conflicts or problems, what basic issues are involved?
12. What conclusions have you drawn about these?
13. Meditating on these, ascertain the negative assumptions or images that you hold that contribute to each.
14. Now meditate on these false images and ascertain what positive truth about your self or life they have been blocking.
15. What do you need to do to change and incorporate this positive truth in your life?
16. How might this change your experience in relationship?
17. What specific actions are you committing to in the next week to attest to this new outlook?